


it's not true that i didn't matter

by zenstrike



Series: heavy but slowly [2]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Citadel DLC, Dorks in Love, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, So Goddamn Soft, That's a tag now, There's swearing, idk people this is what happens sometimes, navigating the emotional spaces between one another okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 05:51:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13070466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zenstrike/pseuds/zenstrike
Summary: “It’s up to you, Jeff.”Jeff hated him.“Tell EDI I gave it a try,” he muttered.“Tell her yourself, dear.”---Jeff, Shepard, and some things that are unsaid and at least one thing that is said. OR: The mineral packets EDI procured smell nice.





	it's not true that i didn't matter

**Author's Note:**

> well
> 
> a sort of sequel to honey, honey but don't worry about reading it unless you want to read more about dorks in love
> 
> all i have to say is BIG SIGH

Jeff hadn’t been in the water not long enough to prune his fingers, yeah, but it was long enough that discomfort had made him sit so still the water hadn’t moved in ages. He stared at the distorted, distant image of his toes and imagined himself wiggling them, just disturb the water a bit, but he remained still, his back pressed painfully against the edge of the tub.

“How long do I have to stay in this?”

Shepard, that bastard, was reading something trashy on his tablet and Jeff considered briefly threatening (again) to out him the rest of the team, him and his trashy reading habits. Commander Shepard, a fucking hero who read fucking trash. Jeff would laugh. Inevitably, so would Shepard and it would be endearing and soft and not at all what Jeff wanted.

He lifted his chin and turned towards Shepard, watched the movement of his eyes over the screen for a moment.

“Hey,” he said, jerking a hand out of the water to point at Shepard. The water, disturbed.

Shepard looked back at him finally, smiling a small smile that told Jeff he was unimpressed with the droplets of mineral-infused water sliding down one side of his face.

“Jeff,” Shepard said.

Jeff made a face.

Shepard lowered his tablet and sighed, shuffling along the floor to rest an elbow on the edge of the tub. “I don’t know,” he finally replied, honest to a goddamn fault. He frowned. “Did you want to get out?”

“I didn’t want to get in.”

“Well, no-one made you.” He paused. “I mean, I helped a bit.”

Jeff made another face, and this time Shepard laughed. He skimmed the edge of the water with his fingertips and he and Jeff watched the ripples spread out from the touch.

“It smells nice,” Shepard pointed out.

“Oh good,” Jeff replied, voice flat. “I’ve always wanted to smell like a candle.”

“You’ll have to introduce me to the candles you’ve been smelling.”

“Can I get out?” Jeff snapped, impatient suddenly. He turned away from the steady, considering look Shepard gave him in response and glared at his knees. They looked, somehow, even more knobbled and dark and uncomfortable now. He wondered how much of it was in his head, and how much was in his body.

“It’s up to you, Jeff.”

Jeff hated him.

“Tell EDI I gave it a try,” he muttered.

“Tell her yourself, dear.”

“Oh, gross—no, I don’t like that one.”

“Really? It’s so—simple.”

“Help me out, would you?” Jeff muttered, looking back at him finally.

And then there it was, that soft expression he sometimes seemed to stumble upon and had dreamt about it during those two years that Shepard was dead.

Dead. And here he was, within reach.

“Sure,” Shepard said, and something unfurled in Jeff’s chest.

They communicated in soft noises that neither of them would admit to later, or maybe both of them would remember as real conversation passing. _Steady on_ in a soft rumble that seemed to come from the scars on Shepard’s face; _gentler_ in a grunt from Jeff that shook him to his knees.

When Jeff was standing outside the tub, the mineralized water dripping off his skin and his skin flushed with an uncomfortable and distinctly _un-_ sexy way, he folded his arms across his chest. Shepard looked at him, right in the eye for a moment, and then seemed to find the answer he was looking for because he nodded and strode across the bathroom to snatch a towel. Jeff dripped, and considered: Shepard let him lead. In just about everything, he waited for Jeff’s signal and here was Jeff, in just about _almost_ everything waiting for Shepard’s. He felt himself sag, his unsteady and unhappy hips automatically shifting his body to one side. He clenched his jaw.

Shepard draped the towel over his head and laughed when Jeff swatted at his hands.

Shepard was humming something to himself as he drained the tub and scooped his tablet from the floor. Jeff listened, absently drying off until he felt steady enough to make his meandering way into the bedroom. He dressed slowly, and Shepard puttered around him—no, not puttered. He wasn’t hovering, but he was there because this was a space that they were sharing. He wordlessly handed Jeff a comfortable sweater, and then flopped onto the bed, already returned to his reading.

Jeff didn’t know how long it had been when he finally crawled onto the bed next to Shepard, squinting at the light from the tablet. Eventually, he sighed and rolled onto his back and draped the damp towel over his face. He could still smell the stuff, a gift and suggestion from EDI to help with the aches and the pains.

_It may be worth exploring some forms of traditional medicine,_ she had said with her hands tucked behind her back while Jeff scowled at the packages she had dumped in his lap. When he had lifted his head to say something rude, she had interrupted him in that gentle voice she took when she wasn’t sure how to express something. It was a tone that she and Shepard used in the same way. It was probably something she learned from Shepard.

_It might help with the pain, Jeff_.

_Painkillers might help with the pain_ , Jeff had grumbled but he hadn’t thrown out the packages.

“How do you feel?” Shepard asked then, breaking into his thoughts. He tugged at the towel and Jeff lifted it away and unceremoniously tossed it on the floor beside the bed. He didn’t look at Shepard.

“I feel like I just took a really pointless bath,” Jeff replied.

“Well,” Shepard said. “You can tell EDI that you tried it out.”

He set a hand over Jeff’s, laying flat on the bed and yeah, maybe a little pruny. Jeff didn’t jerk, but he warmed slightly and he considered this.

It was nice.

He turned his head then, frowning, and felt his damp hair catch against the pillowcase’s fabric. It was going to look ridiculous when he found the attention to sit up again, and Shepard would make fun of it and then kiss his cheek, or his forehead, and try and muss his hair up some more. And Jeff would let him, and the whole galaxy and the pain in Jeff’s stupid bones and the exhaustion of Shepard’s terrible nightmares—all of it would be far away, just for a bit.

“Hey,” he said.

Shepard made an affirming nose, leaned on one side now with his tablet nowhere in sight. He had his head propped up on his free hand, and the other remained warm and steady on Jeff’s.

“Is this a thing?”

“Is what a thing?”

Jeff grimaced, but managed not to look away. And that was enough to make Shepard smile, to make the pieces click into place behind his eyes so Jeff wouldn’t have to embarrass himself any further. Jeff thought he could see Shepard considering making him work for it, making him say it out loud, but he didn’t and the warm quiet between them stretched on.

“Yes, Jeff,” Shepard said. “This is a thing.”

Jeff opened his mouth. Closed it. Tried again.

“Us.”

“Yes. Us.”

Jeff turned away and looked up at the ceiling, tapping the tip of his tongue against the back of his teeth.

“Good,” he said finally.

“I think so,” Shepard said with Great Amusement, and Jeff imagined hitting him with a pillow until Shepard had passed out from laughter.

“You know what that means, right?”

“What?”

Jeff swallowed, and turned his hand under his Shepard. Shepard started to withdraw, but Jeff caught him and twisted their fingers together clumsily, rushed. He turned back again and Shepard was goddamn beaming and Jeff felt himself smiling back.

“It means you keep coming back,” he said, and Shepard’s smile twitched. “To me, I mean. You keep doing your ass-kicking thing and then you come back.”

“I’ll do my best,” Shepard said softly.

And Jeff wanted to say: _no, you’ll just do it_. He didn’t. He couldn’t, not when he remembered so clearly still the way Shepard had said _sure_ when Jeff had asked for help.

So Jeff just nodded and turned properly onto his side and left their hands twisted together between them.

He fell asleep not long after that, and wondered if that was the real point EDI’s _traditional medicine_ : just a little bit of rest.

Shepard, for his part and without needing to tell Jeff, did not sleep.  But he finished his stupid novel, and that was something.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on tumblr @ zenstrike


End file.
